Hello everyone, it’s Joe Dwyer starting off with a great story for week two of conflict resolution.
It’s a story that really perplexes me each time it happens and it happens a lot. I ran into the bedroom because I have to get some where right away and as I walk into the bedroom I immediately trip over my wife’s shoes that are left right in the walk way. Now I have told her time and time again not to leave her shoes there because they are in the way when I run into the room. It looks as if, as I tell this story to you, that she is 100% in the wrong, or is she? Or is she?
I better hope she is not listening to this or maybe I better hope she is! I have made the comment that she is wrong when she does this, but I’d like you to consider something a little bit more deep into the thought process of resolving this conflict.
First of all I was rushing, you heard me say that. Should I have been rushing? Well, if I was on time and I was doing what I should have done and due diligence prior to me having to go, I wouldn’t have to rush. Which means I would have put the light on. I didn’t put the light on. Once again, there is something that needs to be looked at deeper into the situation that it might not be all her issue.
Also, I probably wasn’t watching were I was going. The martial arts in me with focused and being focused at all times, I was not. So I think as we look at this situation, I think we find something out very interesting about a conflict. For it was me who went to her and said, “I don’t know how many times I’ve asked you, please don’t leave your shoes there!” Instead what I should have done is stepped back and realized that maybe I had a little bit or more of fault in the issue.
How many times, my friends, do we have a conflict before us and we automatically assign 100% blame to the other individual? How many times do we listen to two people talking about a situation that rose to an issue of contention and conflict and as they discussed it, only one individual is saddled with the blame and the issue?
I think if we objectively look back at situations that have taken place in our life, we would find that this is really not the case in most of the situations. Now certainly there are situations were one person is most percentage, if not 100% in the wrong, but I was say that is the minority. In the majority of the situations if we “peel back the onion” and take the time that is necessary we would find that there is usually some fault in the other party in the conflict. This is the essence of this important week two lesson on conflict resolution.
Never to automatically jump to the conclusion that it is not you that it is always the other person. Take that step back and really give it careful consideration.
I look at the dogs here in the house. I always look at the dogs because they give me such insight and motivation into these important spiritual motivational topics on how we can improve and make our lives that much more peaceful. They don’t go this deep into a situation and some would argue that they don’t have the intellect to do. Maybe that’s true but we don’t know that for a fact. When they come up with a conflict, they resolve it quickly. Usually both of them walk away from the situation because I watched it. They walk away from the situation usually hanging their heads just a little bit. That must mean to me that they do recognize at least their own issue here.
For instance, Greta our Doxie here, likes to have the blanket all to herself. If one of her siblings comes over, let’s say it’s Daniel, and he decides he wants to lay on the blanket, Greta gives him what for! But Greta then looks and you could see her thinking, “Oh no, maybe I should have shared.” Daniel would look as if he is saying, “Maybe I could have gone and gotten another blanket.”
Now again, I don’t know if they are thinking this, but they certainly remove the contention of the situation and return quickly to a level of peace. So whether they are thinking this or not, we could assume that they are and learn from them in our own situations of conflict resolution.
It is interesting isn’t it we often think of the weight upon our shoulders when we have a conflict and it certainly it is. It’s a weighing down type thing that can really get to us. But little do we realized that we could remove a lot of that weight when we remove our ego and look closely and see what we might have had to do in the situation that caused it to raze it to the level that it is.
So, I ask you my friends to try to grow in this important area and take on a couple of important action items. The next time it happens take that 20 to 30 seconds, sometimes you need more, to take a step back and say, “Do I have any fault or input into this potential conflict? Let me evaluate that before I say a word.”
See if that works for you and as I’ve been saying in our recent times together, go back in time. See if any of the things that happen recently that caused the conflict could have been resolved better if you had this thought process and certainly bring it forward. Consider that and consider then how you could resolve it better and most important I like you to take note on how you feel. Do you feel a certain level of calmness when this happen or do you feel more tense? I’m going to make a wager that you feel a certain level of calm and peace.
No different than Greta and Daniel who more than likely will have an issue with the blanket but it will be resolved much quicker than we would. That’s credit for them but a learning process for us.
Thank you so much for being with me. I always appreciate our time together and I know we are growing together. Good luck this week and take time to share with me your thoughts and I will talk to you soon.
TAKE NOBLE ACTION
- When you find yourself in a conflict, take a few seconds to see if you are at fault in any way.
- Look back at previous conflicts, could they have been handled differently?
- Take note of how you feel after resolving a conflict differently.